Chapter 9: Recovering a Sense of Compassion

Keep going! Only 3 more chapters to go... which will mark the very first time I've made it all the way through The Artist's Way. We can totally do this!

DON'T TURN BACK NOW! That's the main gist of Chapter 9, actually. Julia shares lots of stories of people who consciously (or unconsciously) sabotage their creative lives. There are all sorts of ways that fear can start to undermine what we're doing. It can present itself in different forms but when it comes down to it, it's just plain ol' fear. I've totally felt it... during Chapter 7, during Chapter 8 and now. This is the part where Coehlo's "Beginner's Luck" starts to run out and you are running and running and thinking omg, what was I thinking? There's no end to this. I should just go back over there to my cozy little box and screw this Hero's Journey nonsense! That's for the movies! The real deal is way to hard, long, scary.

Stick with it.

Speaking of Hero's Journey, there's actually a part of that cycle that's called Crossing the First Threshold. Perhaps this is it, the time when you meet some resistance that tests your commitment to the transformation you wished for. It's when the universe tests you, saying Are you for real? If you're for real, you'll keep going.

Keep going!

I'm going to keep going. I hope you will to.

p.s. Wait. Where's the compassion part? It's in calling a spade a spade... you're NOT lazy or unfocused or not committed or whatever judgements you are throwing at yourself right now about your artistic/creative life. You're AFRAID! Call it what it is: FEAR. Name your fears, bring them into the light, love them and KEEP GOING! :D You've got this.

She says. To herself.

DAY 5: Watercolor Flower

Continuing with the spring theme. #48dayscreative

DAY 4: Feathering the Nest

Day 4 of #48dayscreative 

It's SPRING, right?

DAY 3: Nautical Party Decorations

DAY 2: 48 Days of Creative Devotion

I know, I know... one more thing?!
I'm telling you, I'm serious about #CRAFT!

What Leigh of All Creativelike said on her blog post really resonated with me:

I learned that sometimes when you really, really don’t feel like making anything, you make your best work. I learned that the combo of consistency and visibility lead to greater prosperity. I learned that creative devotion allows for new ideas to bubble up and new threads to be explored. And, I learned that just showing up and starting was a huge part of an artist’s job.

So, I'm in. This is actually DAY 2:

My DAY 1 is here.

DAY 1

Day 1 of #48dayscreative is a design/illustration I did for Minted's Moving Announcement Challenge.

Chapter 8: Recovering a Sense of Strength

Here I am, writing my morning pages day after day (for the most part). Ninety nine percent of the time they make no sense. Mostly, they are a brain dump of to-do lists and even grocery lists. Sometimes they are total rants about stuff that frustrates me but would be completely unproductive to say out loud. They are not “creative,” they are not intentionally about nurturing creativity. But something is happening.

I think of the shift as mostly internal but in fact, things are actually happening… like, in the real world!
1. I am slowly and surely creating a body of work.
2. I have an Etsy store now (which I started just for accountability) with 50+ listings.
3. I am establishing a unique recognizable style.
4. I have sold 40+ prints online and off and even more exciting, my customers are so happy with the end product. I’ve even had a few repeat customers!
5. I also earned my storefront on Minted, which is still in process but getting there.

I’m getting a lot of validation—which is huge for my baby artist. It’s probably the most I’ve ever received for my art. And truly, that began... with me... and the morning pages... and the artist’s dates... and the fake-it-tip-you-make-it-faith-in-myself enough into making this thing as a priority.

All of this came up for me in Chapter 8—the realization of how much I have subjugated my passion to anything and anyone that has ever asked (or demanded) my time, energy and attention. I can see my pattern of wanting to please and wanting harmony and wanting to be supportive and wanting to do "the right thing" for what it is also—an excuse for me not to face my fear of rejection and keep that Art Dream up high on the shelf to save for later when I’m old and have time for such foolishness.

It’s not so easy, when there is the serious task of “being a grown-up” to attend to, especially a grown-up with my own kids to nurture. But the truth is, it is not impossible either (although the world/culture/people like to say otherwise). But first off, I have to want this dream and I have to really protect it. I'm finding that whatever issue I'm working out in this process is giving me the strength to stick to it.

In Chapter 8, Julia invites us to re-parent ourselves. That’s HUGE! In all the self-development/healing circles I’ve been in, this is it. Our early foundational relationships color everything.

Perhaps this is why I take my job as mom so seriously. I want to give my kids their best chance. That’s what it was all for… the divorce, the cultivation my tribe, the move, the job… and the extreme discomfort of working out my own crap. Truly. Even this art thing is for this purpose to some extent. I mean, how can I tell them to go for their dreams if I won’t do it for myself?!?!?

Funny, what you do for offspring.

So our marching orders for Chapter 8 are as follows:
1. Name your dream
2. Write down a tangible/measurable goal (that signifies that you have achieved it)
3. Do ONE thing. Every. Day. To move yourself closer to that dream.
Go!

Some of my stuff so far...

Chapter 7: Recovering a Sense of Connection

 Ahhhhhhhh! Recovering a sense of connection. THAT is what this week's chapter is about and that explains all sorts of things that are happening in my life re: what's really really important to me and what are non-negotiables for my family, my relationships, my daily experience. It's so good. And yet so hard! There's the added bonus of doing The Artist's Way, friends! Eek!

So the great thing about doing these posts is not only that I actually do them (although a few days late) but that I actually reflect on the chapter. How does that saying go? It's not "You teach what you most need to learn, although that is true." It's more like teaching forces you to learn! ;P

I love what Julia says in this chapter about creativity NOT being about thinking something up as much as getting something down... dipping into the river of all this stuff just waiting to be written/drawn/painted/danced! Listening.

I experienced that this week. I gave myself a "minted-style" assignment to design an invitation and was totally and completely stuck. Until I stopped trying to think it up! Thinking was exactly the thing that was holding me back. When I get in my head, there's all sorts of chatter up there that tries to analyze why something is not good enough or calculating and analyzing a hundred different ways to do it that will protect myself from doing the wrong thing so that I end up not doing anything at all!!! You don't do that, do you?

I can totally see how being a Creative Director killed my creativity -- in the name of excellent client service! It's why the thought of being a corporate designer again makes me kinda want to puke in my mouth. This is why I really, really love my day job. It saves me from sabotaging my art. Does that make sense?

I don't want to turn that part of my brain on in that way. I have to hold this art thing so lightly -- like a little bird in my hand.

So here's the question for the week: what would you do if you didn't have to do it perfectly?
And my own litmus test, what feels like a good idea?

I really liked some of Julia's hit-and-run tasks too... things that you do quickly without much thought and then reflect on later. It's a fabulous way to unearth patterns and hidden drivers and I love stuff like that.
1. Getting a stack of random magazines and tearing out pictures that reflect your life and interests. Set a timer for 20 minutes and rip away, collecting things that you are drawn to intuitively.
2. Quick, list your 5 favorite movies. Your five favorite songs. Your five favorite books.
3. List your favorite topics to read about (what headlines do you click on online)? :)

Little exercises like this are ways that we connect with our intuition. It's nice to let our intuition drive the car once in awhile. For me, I hardly ever let that part get any air-time so when it happens, I'm actually a little surprised where she takes me.

Tougher than you think.

My latest design, listed on Etsy tonight. A good reminder for my teen girl. And for me. ;P

Chapter 6: Recovering a Sense of Abundance

This week you tackle a major creative block—money. You are asked to really look at your own ideas around God, money, and creative abundance. Th essays will explore the ways in which your attitudes limit abundance and luxury in your current life. You will be introduced to counting, a block-busting tool for clarity and right use of funds. This week may feel volatile.

There you have it. Week 6 is rich!!!! ;P

Our morning pages assignment is to write about the God we believe in.

Who is the God I believe in?
I believe that God actually does listen. And that's what freaks me out. I feel like God answers prayers and it's my own limited perspective and/or limitations or brokenness or whatever that messes me up. God gives me what I ask for sometimes... that's the problem... I get enough rope to hang myself! :) ... which is why I am so gun shy on wishing. Be careful what you wish for, and all that.

Of course, there are times when I've prayed so earnestly for something and have NOT gotten what I've wanted. In those times, I wonder if that's because God knows better (see above). So my issues around God are not exactly the ones Julia talks about in Chapter 6 re: God's will and ours being at opposite ends of the table.

What kind of God would I like to believe in?
The kind that has my back, that isn't just going to let me all crazy in the candy store. You know, Jeremiah 29:11, "For I know the plans that I have for you...." one that reassures me all I need to do is keep showing up in the world as myself, staying true to my values and that somehow, the lights will stay on, I can put food on the table, straighten my kids teeth and buy them both ponies! Just kidding about the ponies.

I want a God on my side. I wonder what what choices I would make if I believed this, for reals.

Tasks
1. Counting: Write down every. single. penny you spend. See how long you can do this... maybe for the next month. Notice the patterns and what this reveals about you to yourself. What do you value in terms of your spending? How does that align with your values. Remember your boundaries... what's inside and outside of your circles? Are you surprised that you spend money on things that you don't cherish? And deny yourself things that are important to you?

2. Luxury: What feels luxurious to you? A bath, a piece of chocolate, clean sheets, listening to music? I listened to an interview with one of the richest men on the planet who, not surprisingly, lived very simply. He said something along the lines of the things he enjoyed most of all were free: reading a book, listening to music, engaging in interesting conversations.

Along these lines, one of Julia's tasks for us is to receive some natural abundance: find an interesting rock, one each day. It's winter so flowers won't be easy to find in most of North America right now but maybe seed pods or acorns. Send cards to five friends you'd love to hear from—yes, with a stamp.

We cling to our financial concerns as a way to avoid not only our art but also our spiritual growth. Our faith is in the dollar.
~Julia Cameron

p.s. A scan from my sketchbook. I little preview of things to come...

Still Here.

It's been a crazy week. Everyone was sick. But for accountabilities sake, I wanted to post what I've been up to. I finished this piece last weekend:

I also asked Henry to help me with new product shots for my Etsy store. These are just a couple. It's a different kind of creativity but it was really fun trying my hand at merchandising and "display." I tried to think of my shop as an actual storefront... and what would draw shoppers into the store.

Take a look at the new storefront. Oh yeah, I made a new banner too. 

Chapter 5: “Pray to catch the bus then run as fast as you can.”

Creativity is a spiritual issue. This.
This here, my friends, is the crux of Chapter 5. And probably why I’m having all sorts of issues writing about it. The title of the chapter is Recovering a Sense of Possibility and that is tied up with all sorts of other things like worthiness and propriety and faith....

This may be where I throw in the towel and say, yeah, you should go buy the book because I’m not going to come close to doing it justice. I’ll do my best.

I supposed there’s no way to write about creativity without reference to the Creator–with a capital C. Perhaps you know this feeling too when you are writing, singing, painting, dancing—of not being the only one it the room. According to Julia, this is where our sense of possibility comes from, the belief that we are not limited by our own abilities. Through our connection to Source, we are truly unlimited! Our job is to tap into that river of possibility.

In order for me to recover this sense of possibility, I have to accept that I have access to this unlimited supply, just like you or anyone else does. Any limitations I have are based on a belief system of scarcity and lack that I’ve inherited or learned. This, Julia says, is not natural and not real.

But I do get some kind of secondary benefit(s) from maintaining this belief system. So the task of this chapter is to unearth the ways I sabotage myself to stay stuck. Hmmmm.

If I stay stuck then...
I suppose I wouldn’t have to put my art out there and have it be rejected.
I wouldn’t have to turn my art into work.
I wouldn’t have to take this thing that I loved and “produce it” to death (as Ira Glass says).
I would have to be a grown-up artist, whatever that is.
I might have to embrace an artist’s life, and you know I had/have all those ideas about what that is.
I also might have to give up some stuff... like acceptance and belonging. Whut?

Our culture puts a lot of value in being nice, good, unselfish, helpful. We give up so much of ourselves, our energy, our time just so that we can be perceived by our spouses, children, co-workers and parents as... those things. But at what cost? If we are not conscious of it, at the cost of our art and that true self of ours. I guess that’s why so many artists are known for being curmudgeony hermits! This is all in the book, I swear.

So if I were to pretend for a minute that I’m NOT nice or good but rather selfish and unhelpful, what would I do?

These are the questions Julia asks of us. If you are doing this, speed write your answers — quickly, answer as fast as you can, no editing allowed!

• What are five things I would try if they weren’t so crazy?
• What are five things I would do if they weren’t too selfish?
• What are 5 things I love and would love to do but am not allowed to do.

And, finish this sentence.... 20 times!

I wish ___________________________________________

This list of “forbidden joys” is your true self talking. Is it surprising? Julia says she’s astonished at how mean and miserly her students are to themselves!!!

So by doing stuff like writing down wish lists down and entertaining possibilities (yes, daydreaming) Julia says we begin to reconnect with Source and thus, creativity. I know, I keep saying "Julia says" because in all honestly, I’m a work in progress on this. I am a teeter totter, going from extremes of faith and doubt.

The only thing I seem to do consistently is just show up: writing, drawing, making.

“Pray to catch the bus then run as fast as you can.” I can do that. This is, after all, my theme word for 2015: Craft.

I can keep running.
When the bus shows up, I'm always a little surprised. :)

Chapter 4: Where the Rubber Meets the Road

Officially, the chapter's title is "Recovering a Sense of Integrity." But for me, this is where things start getting real. First off, SPOILER ALERT! This is the chapter where Julia reveals something kinda important. So if you haven't been following along and doing your morning pages, artist's date and chapter tasks, you might want to STOP HERE, turn around and go back to Chapter One or wherever you left off. I say this because I'm not sure if finding out this key piece of information without doing the exercises up to this point will ruin it's effectiveness. Okay?

You've been warned. Proceed at your own risk.

"If you want to work on your art, work on your life" ~ Chekhov

That seems to be the theme of Chapter 4. Julia adds this juicy morsel to that, "In order to have self expression, we must first have a self to express."

So here's the spoiler, folks. The you that's been showing up every day in your morning pages, that's the real you. Yup, the whiny, complainy, angry, irritated one? That's you.

The one that puts a smile on and says, Everything's fine; the accepting, nice, tolerant self is just the self you put on for show.

But if you knew that piece of info to begin with and were instructed to write down your real feelings in your morning pages, rather than getting, Whatevs. Just write down whatever pops in your head, no biggie, you'd be editing yourself there too. So Julia comes at this sideways, trying to sidestep our mental editor into revealing ourselves to ourselves. Make sense?

The point of the morning pages is to get us passed It's okay, when it's really not. And you know those days when you just don't want to do them or just don't do them at all, it's probably because if you did, you'd gain some unpleasant piece of clarity about yourself. If you're like me, when you are emotionally triggered by anything at all, you're not going to want to do the morning pages. I try rationalizing my evasive maneuvers -- I'm running late, it's too cold, it's too early -- by telling myself that wallowing in whatever crap I'm feeling is just going to make it worse anyway. But the truth is that writing all of it down, unedited, is one of the best way to process and then reflect on what's going on in my internal world.

Here's the kicker for all of us artists. If we don't connect with our emotions, there is no art.

Sorry, folks. It's the truth. I spent the first 36 years of my life convincing myself that everything was okay because I didn't want to feel any discomfort, pain or suffering. That's all well and good except that when you block out all that stuff, you don't feel anything at all. You don't feel love, joy, connection.... and then life is what? Just sleeping, eating and laundry.

Remember my earlier post about my false beliefs about artists. You don't have to suffer to be an artist. But you do have to feel something. And that, requires feeling whatever suffering comes along with the other stuff. If you've ever watched Finding Nemo, one of my favorite lines is where Nemo's dad says, "I promised him that I would never let anything happen to him." And Dori says, "That's a funny thing to promise. Then nothing will ever happen to him."

On the plus side, when I consistently do my morning pages, I don't just get the problems, I usually get clarity and I get answers too. Again, there are lots of people who subscribe to this method of raising self-consciousness. One of my favorites is Janet Conner, author of Writing Down Your Soul.

Now you see why I say everything starts getting real right here in Chapter 4? Thoughts might start to appear in morning pages like "I have outgrown this job/home/marriage/friend." Eek.

Julia says the process of knowing ourselves involves loss as well as gain. We clarify what of ourselves is real and what is illusory... and this kind of clarity creates change. Does that sound scary to you? That's okay. I mean, it's okay to admit that you're scared of it, you don't have to say that it's okay. :)

I have no reassurances to offer except that if you keep going, the prize at the end is YOU. For some people, that's worth it.

Chapter 4's task: Reading Deprivation. Another eek! I know, right?

Julia says words are like tiny tranquilizers for most artists. If we give up reading, we force ourselves into the sensory world. Another way to think about it is to get out of your head! Reading is a great way to fill our heads with other people's thoughts so that we can avoid our own thoughts and feelings. So. NO READING! The book was written before the internet (I know!!!) So that means... no Twitter, no Facebook, no Medium. And if the point is to be fully present, I'm making the assumption that this means no media as well.

You can be scared.

Of course, I'm also doing a 5-day cleanse right now. No food, no reading. What the heck will I do with myself?!?!?! Julia has some suggestions:
Listen to music
Wash the dog
Sort closets
Write friends
Repot plants
Pay bills

Okay, I'm sure we can come up with better suggestions!!! Mend. She actually suggests "mend."
Sorry, I'm a little crabby, I'm at the end of Day 2 of 5.

Check in if you wish... how many days have you done your morning pages? Artist's date? Any experiences of synchronicity to report

 I'll signing off the blog until next week's check-in... since you won't be READING until next week, right? :)

Bigger is Better?

Henry got a piece printed for me... really big! <3

It's going in my office as soon as I we can figure out how to hang it. I'm just thrilled that it held up, since I created it at 8x8.

I submitted a slate/blue version for West Elm. If you feel like voting for me, I'd appreciate it. Voting ends on Wednesday. There are over 5,200 entries in this challenge. It's kinda crazy.

Where I'm From

In Chapter 3, in addition to the ongoing precautions against toxic people and harsh critics, Julia invites to recover our sense of self by, quite literally, remembering who we are.

What did you love to do as a child?
Where did you go to feel safe?
What would you do for fun?
What did you do that made you lose track of time?

These are my own questions as I don’t have the book in front of me but you get the idea. 20 years ago, In the margins of my book, I had scribbled ride my bike. Draw.

When was the last time I rode a bike?! Hmmm... like almost a year ago! I used to have these fantasies about riding my bike to work. But considering that it’s uphill both ways.... :)

It’s noteworthy that so many people have to go back so far into their past to tap into JOY. Perhaps as adults we make it overly complicated. I think we have a tendency to conflate “joy” with “fulfillment” or something more all encompassing. I look at my own children and envy the ease with which they can just be really joyful. When they are doing that thing that they love, they aren’t planning ahead or allowing the thought of tomorrow’s quiz cloud this little spontaneous dance party, or whatever it is that they are feeling really good about right now.

Anyway, these are great questions.

There's a similar exercise that I've adapted from a poem called Where I’m From by Georgia Ella Lyon. My kids love it, as do the Story of You’ers!

You can get creative with it, if you want. Here's my art journal version...

Feel free to download the template for yourself... but promise that when you’ve filled it out, you will read it out loud to yourself! ;P

Artist's Date: The Public Library

It was yet another busy week at work so I didn't have much time to really step outside my normal routine. I did, however, discover that there's a sweet little branch of the public library just a couple of blocks from my office. So I headed over on my lunch hour and settled in a little nook in the children's section and fell in love with the illustrations in this gem.

Hand-lettered Valentine

It's February!!! Here's a sketch of something I'm working on for Valentine's Day. What do you think?

UPDATE: This is how it turned out AND someone bought it!!! :D

Chapter 3: Synchronicity and Recovering Your Power

We're on Chapter 3! It's called Recovering Your Sense of Power
How are you doing?
This last week has been frenzied, both at my job and with my art.
I'm squeezing in my artist's date tomorrow. Maybe.
I got this crazy idea to launch a line of printables on Etsy.

If you'll recall in Chapter 2, my boundaries were pretty clear: I love making art but not necessarily manufacturing art or packing or shipping it, which is why Etsy has been a challenge for me in the past. But offering printables is a great solution. I don't have to worry about shipping physical products but this gives me some structure around creating art and an opportunity to engage with fellow artisans on Etsy.

Here's what I got out of Chapter 3: SYNCHRONICITY!

Julia specifically discusses the phenomenon of answered prayers. How does that feel to you? Too weird and woo-woo? (shrugs shoulders). For me, it just happens. All. The. Time.

But just as Julia describes in her book, there's still a part of me that wants to explain it away. You might share this nihilistic tendency. Is there a God? Why would He-She care about my little life and whether or not I stick with my one little word for 2015 to keep drawing letters by hand?

Julia says we are much more afraid that there might be a God than we are that there might not be. We dismiss incidents of synchronicity as pure coincidence, otherwise we would have to consider the possibility that someone is watching! :|

There's actually a bestselling book series called When God Winks that documents such synchronicities.

Okay, here's my list of my God Winks just from the last month or so...

1) The same week I decided to teach myself the craft of lettering and started scouring the interwebs for an impossible-to-find manual, my friend Sharon found one in her vast collection of ephemera and gave it to me as a gift.

2) Although art school was rather damaging to my artistic career, I decided that I really missed the critiquing process and that I would love to recreate that experience of having people who are all working on similar projects that could offer constructive criticism and push me further than I would push myself. Within a week of writing all this down, I discovered Minted and joined.

3) When I started to collect my art goals for 2015, I decided that winning a Minted Art Challenge would be one of them. Of course, there were 2,540 submissions. What were the chances, right? This is why my last post was so significant.

4) One of my other art goals for 2015 was to be a West Elm artist. Wouldn't that be grand? Again, the day after I wrote this in my morning pages, Minted announced their challenge partnership with... wait for it, West Elm! This wasn't necessarily the miraculous part since they'd partnered with them twice before but the timing was. The fact that they had just ended the last art challenge -- everyone was commenting that they never have back-to-back art challenges -- felt to me as if someone had picked up the bat phone!

5) We've already talked about what inspired me to begin reading The Artist's Way again.

Something is happening that I can't quite explain away. I must say that continuing on with the morning pages probably helps me notice these things more than if I hadn't been writing down my "orders to the universe."

Julia says in Chapter 3, "If we do, in fact, have to deal with a force beyond ourselves that involves itself in our lives, they we may have to move into action on those previously impossible dreams."

If things are really happening that are somehow connected with me wanting them to happen... whoa! Perhaps I really am finding my power! The good news is that if lil' ol' me can ask for stuff and have it happen, SO CAN YOU!

More on Chapter 3 to come....

I won!

Whut?! Remember a couple of weeks ago when I posted this? It was my very first art challenge submission for Minted.com.

So tonight, I got an email notification that someone congratulated me. Huh?! My piece won a jury's pick award!

I can't even really talk about it, I'm so surprised. Hence, I'm reverting back to teen-speak... so, yeah... I'd like to thank The Academy (the minted academy anyway), but you probably won't read this.

For my one reader (who is not my mom), you'll know when the print is officially offered on the site. Yup, I'm officially officially Minted! :)

One Small Change

In Chapter Two, one of Julia’s “tasks” is to make one small change.

As much crazy as I’ve created in the last six years, I’ve also very deliberately and consciously created a lot of joy, personal fulfillment and true aliveness. This, I also attribute to boundaries. If you are interested in this conscious creation stuff, I highly recommend the book, The Not So Big Life by Sara Susanka. When I was blogging for My Mommy Manual I got a chance to do a skype interview with Sara. This book was pivotal in my life design. Sara is an architect and is credited for the Not So Big movement in house design. Her whole premise is that we don’t need McMansions, we need spaces that fit our lives. Of course, this requires that we know what’s important to us. She wrote the Not So Big Life in response to understanding that your inner space, ideally is reflected in our outer spaces.

I’m not going to go into that book here but just as an example, I’ll share one of Sara’s anecdotes from the book. Sara loves writing (obviously). But prior to her life overhaul she would spent 14 hours working and in the fading moments of the day, sit down to write. Her passion wasn’t getting the best Sara, but rather , the dregs.. What she did getting her best attention was the flood of emails that would come into her inbox first thing in the morning. Only when she had responded to all of the fires could she begin her work day and on and on until right before bed when she could barely squeek out a few sentences.

I can’t recall how she got to this point, whether she made a list of her priorities, passions, etc. but she made a small adjustment to her daily schedule: instead of checking her emails first thing, she checked them twice a day, at 10 and 4 and devoted the first hour or so of her day to writing instead. Doing the thing she loved first thing meant 1) it got done and 2) to her surprise, she discovered that most of the fires that came to her via email resolved themselves before she ever got to them!

Now that is an everyday miracle right there! For me, it was a tangible example for how making a small change that aligns yourself with your values can make a HUGE DIFFERENCE.

So my “small” change was cutting out television. Small is in quotes because I cannot tell you what a profound impact that had on me. 1) I didn’t have to pay for cable 2) my kids stopped fighting over what shows to watch after school 3) I found hours upon hours in my day/week and 4) without all those ads, I was clueless about the things I was supposed to want but didn’t have yet 5) I was so much less stressed out by not watching LOST and Law & Order.

Okay. Your turn. Can you think of one small adjustment you can make in your life that will align yourself with your values/passions/creative life?

Boundaries

Our first check-in and I totally overslept! So if you’re feeling guilty or something, don’t. I missed a couple of days this week but I’m still truckin! On to Chapter Two.

This chapter is called Recovering Your Identity, which was interesting to me because as I read it, it felt like it was all about boundaries! I guess that makes sense... what you want, what you don’t want. What’s okay and not okay is defining.

Continuing to protect your recovering artist is still important. Julia counsels against people who are toxic to your creativity: the Drama Queens and the Crazymakers. Ugh! I have been (in the past) a magnet for such types. You know, the people who suck you into their crazy!!!

Perhaps you can’t relate to this at all and all your friends, co-workers and family members are of the sane variety. In which case, you would have no idea about people who suck up your time and energy and expect you to be there for them every time they create a whirlwind of misplaced drama.

That’s so fabulous because if that is the case, you don’t have to look yourself in the mirror and say what no one has been honest enough to tell you: you’re crazy too! Yup! That’s what Julia says. If you are locked in a dance with a drama queen or crazy maker, you are getting something out of it. In the case of your art/creativity, it’s the convenient excuse of not dealing with your own shit/fear/resistance to being a creative being.

Anyhoo... so as not to point fingers at anyone but myself, let’s look closely at the case study of Ria Sharon. Like I mentioned in the brief synopsis of my life, my family was super supportive. If I have to be brutally honest with myself on this point, I could say that I created a whole lot of crazy in in the last six years. If I had chosen not to blow up my marriage, well, I could have spent a lot more time pursuing my art instead of worrying about how to feed my kids and keep the lights on.

Don’t get me wrong. I can’t imagine being where I am today creatively if not for what’s happened in the last six years, either. And yes, my kids are fed and the lights remain on. But I find it healthy to try different perspectives on just to keep my side of the street clean, so to speak.

Back to boundaries. Here’s a great exercise I learned from Julia and the armadillo (obscure animal medicine reference): Draw a circle. Inside the circle write down what you want to invite into your life and what you want to keep out. Here’s mine from a couple years back.

People who know me would probably say I am quite boundaried, actually. I’m constantly examining this in-and-out-of-the-circle dynamic. What’s okay and what’s not okay. I think it’s the J in my INTJ personality type.

Daily Experience Boundaries

Art Boundaries

Anyway... try it. For me, doing these exercises somewhat regularly gives me some guidance. As a pleaser and all that, my knee jerk is always yes. So it’s helpful to check in with my circles to remind myself when it’s really okay to say no -- and in so doing, protect my time, my energy and my creativity.

p.s. The print above was inspired by my reflection of boundaries. I decided to submit it to Minted for the West Elm Art Challenge -- since that meets all my art boundary criteria! :)

Affirmations!

Affirmations. Yes, that is what people call those things I wrote in Monday's post -- the things we use to defend against our negative beliefs. Perhaps you've used affirmations before and maybe they make you think of Stuart Smalley but there's actually something about affirmations and how our brains work that make them pretty darn powerful.

In preparation for a class I teach, I did a bunch of research on the science of storytelling. I could go into a whole long thing but I did that in the last post. Haha!

To quote the great post-modern Stephen Sondheim in Into the Woods "Careful the tale you tell. That is the spell." 

So as you write your affirmations, here are a couple of things to keep in mind:
• Write them in the present tense... I am, I have, etc. rather than I want, I will etc.
• Write them in the positive... I am abundant, I am safe... no hidden negatives like I am not poor, I am not scared etc.

And if you just can't find the time, I have a little gift for you. I've written 10 affirmations that you can just adopt for yourself.

Bonus... let's have some fun with this!
1. Download the PDF of affirmations here. I left lots of blank spaces so you can fill in your own.
2. Print them out and cult along the dotted lines
3. Roll them into little scrolls and put the scrolls into a bowl.
4. Take a deep breath, close your eyes, and pick one!

This will be your affirmation for the rest of the week/chapter. Say it out loud before you do your morning pages. Say it out loud before you go to bed. Put it in your wallet, tape it to your steering wheel or your mirror or your computer monitor, put it above your kitchen sink, on your refrigerator -- anywhere you will see it often throughout the day.

Creating a Safe Place

Hello, fellow creative souls! Today we begin!
How are you feeling? Excited? Nervous?
Rest assured that first day jitters are totally normal.

The theme for the week is creating a safe place for the artist in you to come out and play.

I am going to ease into this process myself and stick to the very basic tasks. Of course, feel free to do more. This is go-at-your-own-pace-choose-your-own-adventure experience. Remember? You can't mess this up as long as you do it. You can do it!

The important action item for this chapter is protecting the artist you are so that your early efforts are encouraged. Julia says judging these early artistic efforts is artist abuse! So NO JUDGEY! Go gently and slowly. Find an encouraging and accepting audience, if any at all.

Chapter One Debrief
Chapter one explores safety and fear. Julia starts off sharing various stories of "shadow artists," people she knows who were too afraid to pursue their art because they did not receive the proper encouragement so instead become art collectors or art teachers or art therapists or who marry/date artists. Shadow artists go into advertising, become illustrator/photography reps etc. etc. etc.

Often, we block an aspect of ourselves because it feels safer. This is very true for me. I was one of those people. I've been in advertising and marketing for the last 20 years! ;P Conversely, that must mean that being/becoming an artist felt unsafe to me for some reason.

My morning pages and reflecting on this really helped me to identify the negative ideas/beliefs I have had about artists. It was a mystery to me since I was one of the fortunate ones. I had a family that actually celebrated my art! My grandmother enrolled me in art classes all summer long all through my childhood. I had a great art teacher at my elementary school. My family really wanted me to get my MFA and were kinda disappointed (I think) that I decided to go into advertising instead. My aunt was the one who gave me The Artist's Way all those years ago. So in my case, the problem was not my family and friends.

I discovered that my negative beliefs about artists came from art school! Here's what I "learned" in art school:
artists are weird
artists don't have ordinary lives
artists have to suffer to make art worth making
artists are poor

Let me paint the picture for you (pun intended). My painting instructor was Ed Paschke. One of my T.A.'s was Audrey Niffeneger. They are both totally weird! And I say that with the deepest respect, considering that Ed was the first living artist to have a retrospective at The Art Institute of Chicago. And Audrey... she did write a NYT bestseller that was made into a movie. Also, I'm pretty sure that they both would wear "weird" like a badge of honor!

There was that. And then there was the graduate student in my program who was so brilliant and amazing and I wanted to be just like him until I found out he was homeless and bathed himself in the sink in his studio.

So it was a math problem:
A = artists are weird/crazy/unstable
B = i don't want to be weird and/or unstable
A + B = i am NOT an artist

Considering I had organized my entire life around becoming as normal as possible and around the avoidance of suffering (I know, crazy me), becoming an artist did not feel good to me.

So. Advertising.

What's happened? What changed since then?
Time.
I aged... I grew up, might be a kinder way to say it.
20 years happened.
And marriage, kids, divorce.
People I loved died.
You know, life!

But seriously, I spent up until my mid-30's doing the "normal" thing and that didn't really work out so well. I've spent the last six or so years licking my wounds and reclaiming all the weird things about myself that, as it turns out, makes me who I am. I started hanging out with amazing artists like Jen and Sharon and Janet. I did a lot of soul searching, meditating, etc. etc. and I discovered that just as we are our own worst enemies, we can also be our own best allies.

All those negative beliefs have corresponding positive beliefs that I could just as easily adopt...
artists are weird artists are unique and magical
artists don't have ordinary lives artists have extraordinary lives
artists have to suffer to make art worth making life will have suffering. artists transmute suffering into expressions of humanity.
artists are poor artists are rich in everything that makes it possible for my soul to breathe.

Sorry that this debriefing became the brief synopsis of my life. But I thought it might help if I shared my process through the chapter. Perhaps it will help you ponder similarly...

What am I afraid of? Why?
Where did I get these negative ideas/beliefs about art?
Can I hold a different possibility, even if only for today?

Here are the prompts for this week. Feel free to share your discoveries in the comments below for the rest of the week... or not.

So happy you're reading this right now.
Happy MLK Jr. Day and...
Til next time, stay wild and and weird,
:)
R

Rare Books

For my artist's date I made an appointment at the Rare Books Collection at Wash. U. Incredible! If you have such a thing near you, I highly recommend a visit. If you're in St. Louis, call Kelly.

I spent a lovely lunch hour getting to hold in Chaucer's Tales in my grubby little hands. I took 45 pictures! Sorry these aren't the best quality but I was much more focused being there than on documenting appropriately.

These are just a few of the treasures we got to see. The lower collage is a hand-lettered, hand-painted  Book of Hours from the 16th Century. The last image are the notes, possibly written by it's owner.

Talk about inspiration!

To beginnings...

In a few days, I’ll be kicking off a 12-week exploration of The Artists’ Way by Julia Cameron. This book is often referred to as “the seminal work on the subject of creativity.” I would love your company, if you’re up for a journey.

So if “seminal work on the subject of creativity” sounds a little intimidating to you, no worries. I’m doing The Artist’s Way, light. Book optional.

I firmly believe that on the matter of creativity (and art), our path is our own, which can be a comfort in that there’s no wrong way to do this. BUT, I’ve also found it extremely supportive to find a group of like-minded souls who can hold hands along the way and help me to feel safe during the dips and and turns into dark corners. Your presence would be such a gift.

Just bookmark this blog or subcribe to the posts. I’ll publish a prompt or activity every couple of days beginning on Monday to help keep us on track.

Til soon...
R

Go with the flow.

Be. Here. Now.

My word for 2015 is CRAFT. I made a commitment to make art on a regular basis and Suzanne pushed me for weekly. Yikes!

Here's my first piece for the year, which I also submitted to Minted.com's Work of Art Challenge. Wish me luck! ;P

Finding the Warmth

My first artist's date per The Artist's Way: the climatron at the Botanical Gardens.
Why? Well, it's freezing here!!!
Loved all the patterns. Really looking forward to drawing some of these.

photo credit: Henry

Baby Announcement: Class of 2033

Not my baby!

Just baby announcements.

My achilles heel is stopping short. I can have a solid concept but I have a tendency to say, Good enough! long before it really is great. So I decided to submit to Minted.com's baby announcement challenge to see if "social design" would push me past my natural stopping point.

Step-by-step as follows...

mood board

sketches

drawing

inking

color palette

first submission

So... this is the point where I would stick a fork in it! :)

But I got lots of great feedback from the Minted community. Obviously, I'm a little enamored by my hand-lettering and was jumping at the chance to do this vintage collegiate thing but considering that the point of a baby announcement is to feature the baby... I gradually toned down the graphic elements.

revision 2

revision 3

revision 4

Final

Vintage hand-lettered 1-photo birth announcement riffs off of your 2015 new arrival being a future 2033 grad. Works well for your retro boy or girl!

I must admit, I LOVED doing the challenge! It was incredibly helpful to get input but it was also a great feeling being part of a community working on something together, so to speak. It was equally fulfilling providing constructive feedback to other. So yeah... I'm Minted! :)

There are so many amazing designs so who knows if I'll place but regardless, I think the process really helped my end product. Voting begins on Jan. 12, I think.

The Artist's Way: Permission to be a Beginner

Remember that in order to recover as an artist, you must be willing to be a bad artist. Give yourself permission to be a beginner. By willing to be a bad artist, you have a chance to be an artist, and perhaps, over time, a very good one.

When I make this point in teaching, I am met by instant defensive hostility: "But do you know how old I will be by the time I learn to really play the piano/act/paint/write a decent play?"

Yes... the same age you will be if you don't.
So let's start.
~ Julia Cameron, The Artist's Way

At a New Year's Eve party last night, a friend of mine casually mentioned that she had picked up The Artist's Way and thought of me! This is the third time that the book has entered my awareness in the last six weeks—a sure sign that I'm supposed to do something with it.

The Artist's Way has been around for years. I received it as a graduation gift 20 years ago but at the time, my artist was in deep hibernation. Like, really deep! Like, the book may as well have been written in a foreign language! And, I have to admit that I've never finished it all the way through but realize now that many of my own practices as well as those that I've prescribed for others who I've coached were inspired by this book.

If the book intimidates you, I'm thinking of boiling it down to it's essentials here and see if that works better for you.

What a perfect way to kick off 2015! 12 weeks of nurturing creativity! Who's in? If this feels like just the right thing for you and you want a little accountability, join me. This is my accountability!!! ;P

I'll do weekly check-in's on Mondays—for Chapter 1 on January 26 (...to give you time to decide/get book/get acclimated etc. to join the fun.)

Bare Essentials for Chapter 1:
1. Morning Pages: This used to be killer for me. Now, it's not. For a) I use my Moleskin journals which are 3.5 x 5.5! :)

If all you do is fill 3 pages every day with all the reasons why you feel wobbly and inadequate as an artist, it has served it's purpose. For reals. This a great place to contain your Inner Critic.

2. Artist's Date: If you need ideas, click the link. But simply and most importantly, spend at least 2-3 hours 1x weekly doing something you absolutely love, that brings you joy, that fills up your creative well.

3. If you have the book, pick any one of the tasks Julia describes for Chapter 1. If you don't have the book, do this one that has worked really well for me and my artist friends:

A Day in Your Dream Life
If you could do/be anything, what would it be and what does a regular day of that life look like. Paint the picture for yourself, use descriptive words! ;) What time do you wake up? And what time do you go to bed? What's the first thing you do? Where are you? What do you do for most of the day? Describe how it feels to live this way. Describe how you are in this life.

You can add a comment below—what you did for your artist's date. If you feel like sharing your dream life you can or simply write "done" if you've completed your tasks or "2" for number of hours you spent nurturing your artist child.

Happy New Year!
Until soon....